Wednesday, October 6, 2010

domestic

I've been feeling kind of guilty lately about my lack of domesticity.  there are a lot more girls in the group all of a sudden, and seeing all of them (both new and old) constantly make food and clean things has left me wondering why that part of myself seems to be missing.  I mean, I am pretty sure I could cook/bake things if I wanted to, and the things I have cooked/baked in the past have all been pretty good (if I do say so myself), but the desire is just not there most of the time.  occasionally I get the urge, but it is usually only because I have seen other ladies doing it and feel as though I should.  peer pressure!

I went over to my parents' house the other day and was nearly knocked flat by the delicious smells as soon as I opened the door.  apples baking, chicken roasting...  I had forgotten how much I missed those smells until that very moment.  unfortunately, I really don't want to be the one providing the smells, I just want to come home to them.  I don't want to bake the pies and roast the chickens, I want them to be waiting for me when I arrive home after a long day of work.  Chris says that this is easily fixed - I just need to make enough money so that he can stay home and be my house husband.  I am lucky to have a guy who disregards gender roles as much as I do.  this doesn't change the fact, however, that I sometimes feel that he must be sad to have gotten such a backwards lady when all the other guys have domestic goddesses at their beck and call.

and don't even get me started on cleaning!  I go on cleaning sprees sometimes, but it only out of desperation and disgust.  there is no feeling of duty and honor, or whatever it is housewives feel when they are making their homes spotless showpieces of domestic pride.  I just want someone else to come in and take care of it.  I want a nice house, don't get me wrong.  but I want the house to just be nice when I come home to it.  I do not have the time or energy to work nine hours a day and then come home and clean.  and I don't even have any children!  I don't understand how my parents did it.  I am constantly reminded of how amazing they are.  seriously - at my age, my parents had already had me and my sister.  that is insane.  INSANE!  I don't know if I could ever handle that, let alone handle it now.  goodness.

but I am trying very hard to care more about these household things.  I mean, I don't think I'll ever be some 1950s style housewife, but I could at least wash the dishes and heat up a frozen pizza every now and then.

2 comments:

  1. You are who you are, and if Chris loves you because or in spite of these "flaws", then I say what the hell! Who cares!! Thank you for your appreciation! But if it's what you want then you are happy to do it even if/when it takes hard work. Someone recently asked me about my dream now that Dad has realized his... I already had mine. You and your sister. Everyone loves you because you are you, not because you cook and clean...

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  2. Hey, I may cook but I certainly suck at cleaning. Often only doing it when it's practically unavoidable. And if Chris is willing to be a house husband I doubt that he is saddened by a "backwards lady." Though I don't think you're backwards at all.

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