Sunday, December 12, 2010

Where is my motivation?

I'm feeling pretty down this holiday season.  I (as usual) had a lot of grand ideas about decorating and baking and the whole Christmas deal but the fact is I have done very little.  I bought some ribbons and poinsettias to make window swags, but they are still sitting in a bag in my kitchen.  I haven't made any cookies.  I don't even have a Christmas tree yet.

Chris is never home (the holiday season wreaks havoc on his work schedule) and I really don't see much point in doing these things alone.  Christmas is supposed to be about love and family and tradition, but in reality it is mostly me sitting at home watching Netflix with the cats.

Kylie has been helpful; when she is around Christmas can't help but happen.  But I can't always expect her to be at my house forcing me to be jolly.  The fact of it is that I look around at my empty, undecorated house and think "what is the point?"  No-one is here to enjoy it except me, and I really don't enjoy much of anything when I am by myself.  So why bother?  Why not just fall asleep on the sofa watching some documentaries, covered in a blanket of purrs?

This disregard of Christmas would be fine if it was making me happy, if it was lowering my stress levels, but it really isn't.  I browse the internet looking at the blogs of people who have full, happy houses with decorations and baking and cheer and I just feel worse and worse for myself. 

My mum says that I should probably get used to it, since Chris will have to work like this for the REST OF OUR LIVES, but that just makes me want to weep.  This is not Christmas, this is not fair.

Not really sure what to do.

2 comments:

  1. I too was a bit late putting everything up but a friend reminded me last week that I had invited my book group over for lunch. Can't remember that and it wasn't on my calendar but regardless I rushed around diving into boxes of decorations and put up a tree and decorated the table. It was fun having everyone over and the house looks cozy. I made a big batch of soup, toasted some garlic bread and my friends brought various other delicious food. If you don't have a group of friends, look into joining something like a book club or something else you enjoy. Also I belong to a writing group and we spent last Saturday at a local tourist location helping kids write letters to Santa. Perhaps there is a local charity you can get involved in. Sorry for the long post, but believe me I have been where you are and hope I can encourage you a little.
    Ann

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the kind words and advice, they really meant a lot to me. I will keep trying!

    ReplyDelete