I'm feeling pretty down this holiday season. I (as usual) had a lot of grand ideas about decorating and baking and the whole Christmas deal but the fact is I have done very little. I bought some ribbons and poinsettias to make window swags, but they are still sitting in a bag in my kitchen. I haven't made any cookies. I don't even have a Christmas tree yet.
Chris is never home (the holiday season wreaks havoc on his work schedule) and I really don't see much point in doing these things alone. Christmas is supposed to be about love and family and tradition, but in reality it is mostly me sitting at home watching Netflix with the cats.
Kylie has been helpful; when she is around Christmas can't help but happen. But I can't always expect her to be at my house forcing me to be jolly. The fact of it is that I look around at my empty, undecorated house and think "what is the point?" No-one is here to enjoy it except me, and I really don't enjoy much of anything when I am by myself. So why bother? Why not just fall asleep on the sofa watching some documentaries, covered in a blanket of purrs?
This disregard of Christmas would be fine if it was making me happy, if it was lowering my stress levels, but it really isn't. I browse the internet looking at the blogs of people who have full, happy houses with decorations and baking and cheer and I just feel worse and worse for myself.
My mum says that I should probably get used to it, since Chris will have to work like this for the REST OF OUR LIVES, but that just makes me want to weep. This is not Christmas, this is not fair.
Not really sure what to do.