Thursday, September 22, 2011

So, I went to see the Lion King 3D with Kylie on Sunday.  I would be lying if I said I did not cry throughout almost the entire movie.  It was an emotional event for a number of reasons.  A) Things that remind me of my childhood always make me a little weepy. I can't help it, I am a sucker for nostalgia.  B) The plot of the movie itself is not without a good deal of sadness.  I mean, the entire story basically revolves around a young boy (lion) coming to terms with the death of his father and his place in life.  That's pretty brutal.  C) I didn't even know this movie was being re-released until I saw the commercial on TV in the hospital.  I told my then-unconscious sister that I would take her to see it when she got better, but there for a while I wasn't entirely sure that was ever going to happen.  So it was kind of a big deal to have her there awake and walking and talking right in front of me on an outing I hoped and prayed would take place.

While we were out, she said that it was nice to be doing a normal activity without chaperons, since her life after the hospital has thus far been pretty restricted.  She said that the whole month of September was pretty much "a waste" because she was mostly constrained to the house.  I told her that she was wrong, it is not a waste at all.  The very fact that she is alive makes it the best September that has ever been.  I don't think she fully understands the seriousness of what happens and how much her continued existence means to all of us.  To me, it doesn't matter if she ever leaves the house again, as long as she is alive.  I think that, even though this thing happened directly to her, all of this has effect us, her family, more than it has effected her.  Sure, she has a missing week of her life and a few restrictions and some medications.  I will not deny that these things all suck.  But we had to stand by and see her in a coma for a week, wondering every day if we would ever hear her voice again.  We had to watch, holding our breath, as the numbers on her monitors dropped and rose and set off alarms.  We had to see the doctors rushing around her and be told that she was critical.  We will spend the rest of our lives worrying about her every moment that she is out of our sight.

I'm sure it will get easier with time - I really hope it gets easier with time.  But for now, just watching her exist is the greatest gift I have ever been given.  So please forgive me if you are sick of hearing about Kylie; I need some way to get all of these feelings out before they consume me.

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