Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I Will Wait

I Will Wait - Mumford and Sons

Raise my hands; paint my spirit gold
Bow my head; keep my heart slow
'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you

Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Mutz

Last night we lost The Mutz.

He'd been declining pretty rapidly for the last two weeks.  I thought for sure he wouldn't make it through the night last Saturday, but that little guy was the toughest and most stubborn cat I've ever met.  He fought fate as hard as he could, right up to the very end.

The story of Mutz's life is a good one.  Chris found a cat while delivering papers as a child.  He brought her home and she had kittens.  Mutz was one of those kittens.  He and Chris were together from then on.  Mutz had his 20th birthday last month.

Even though I only had the pleasure of living with The Mutz for 4 1/2 years, I can't even express to you in words how difficult it has already been to live in a world without him.  He was so talkative, and had so much personality; this house feels empty without him.

The Mutz pretty much inserted himself into everything.  Like Chris says, he was more like a third person in the house than a cat.  And he was determined to be a part of everything.

Just like with Morgaine, there is no place I can go that isn't filled with Mutz memories.  I jokingly said to my mum last night that we are going to have to move - this house is just too full of cats that are no longer with us.  My ears are straining to hear his meows, his claws tapping on the floor.  I took a few steps towards the living room to wake him up for breakfast this morning before I realized what I was doing.

 It's such a terrible adjustment, to lose a loved one.  That the world somehow continues to go on even though it is now missing someone so very important is just unimaginable.  I just washed dishes and wept the entire time because The Mutz was not standing behind me the whole time shouting for Mutz Milk.

Chris says that I'll probably find that Mutz was standing behind me and shouting the last time I did anything.  And it's true - because that's just how great and terrible The Mutz was.  He was the smartest, most beautiful, softest, and most determined cat I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Photo an Hour - February

Here's my February 24th, 2013:

9:00 am: This day begins the same way every other day of my life does - covered in cats.

10:00 am: Reading fitness tumblrs and drinking some ice water.  Maybe it jumpstarts my metabolism, maybe it doesn't - but it does keep me hydrated.

11:00 am: Back in bed to wait for Chris to wake up.

12:00 pm: Egg and cheese sandwich for brunch.

1:00 pm: Washing all of the dishes that have accumulated over the last week or so.

2:00 pm: Getting ready so we can run errands.

3:00 pm: Delicious chocolate turnover from Arby's - so much for all that fitness motivation...

4:00 pm: The awesome awning at That Pet Place.

5:00 pm: The lines were too long at That Pet Place, so we drove back home.  At least it was a nice ride in the car.

6:00 pm: We stopped at our local pet store for cat food instead.

7:00 pm: Started making the week's crockpot meal to take to work for lunch every day.

8:00 pm: Watched some Netflix while doing a little painting.

9:00 pm: Making a blog post.

10:00 pm: Watched some Netflix with Chris while we ate dinner (which was sandwiches from a local sandwich shop, in case you were curious).

11:00 pm: Divided up the crockpot chicken before bed.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tuesday Tunes - Global Concepts

Global Concepts - Robert DeLong

I love this song - I dance every time it comes on in the car (and so does Chris - but don't tell him I told you).  And I love this video too.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Candle - February

February's candle is an old one - I think I acquired this candle back when we still lived in the apartment.  But it smells really good - very cozy and warm and smoky.  It's called Fireside and is manufactured by a local company called Blue Mountain Candle.

Sunday, March 10, 2013


I was planning on writing and back dating all of the last few week's posts like I had been doing - you know, so I could keep up the illusion of regular posting.  But I want this space to be an (at least somewhat) accurate recording of my life, so I'll be honest with you instead - I've been having a pretty difficult time the last few weeks.

Don't worry, nothing has happened.  The winter is just getting to me, that's all.  We've reached the point in the year where it's just cold and dark and windy and gloomy all of the time and it feels like I'll never be warm again.  Spring will never come and I'll just die here in this terrible bleakness.  Of course I know this isn't really going to happen, but it certainly feels that way.  And I know I'm being rather melodramatic, but I can't help it.

I'm not in a full-blown Sadness.  But I can feel it battering against the back of my head, I can see it fluttering at the corners of my vision.  And if I focus on it for even one tiny moment, I fear it will finally overtake me.  So I've been distracting myself with pointless by enjoyable things - like Netflix and video games - in an effort to keep my mind busy without actually having to THINK about anything.  There's a big difference, to me anyway, between watching Netflix/playing Sims 3 all night to keep myself occupied and sleeping the evening away on the sofa because I am too despondent to do anything else. It's just that doing anything creative (writing blog entries, painting, drawing, sewing) lends itself way too easily to thinking.  And thinking leads to dwelling.  And dwelling leads to the aforementioned despondency.  So I'm entirely willing to cocoon myself away in the protective glow of mindless gaming for a little while to prevent that eventuality. 

I think I've been successful thus far, and I don't feel ashamed.  So I'm not going to backdate and make it look like things have been effortless and cheery.  Because honestly I'm pretty proud of myself, as pathetic as that may seem to those of you who have never suffered through these weird unwanted feelings.  I do intend to catch up on some things, like art posts and monthly stuff.  But I'll do them in my own time.  Things have been looking up - Chris and I spent most of last weekend catching up on all of the household chores I've let slide, which always makes me feel a lot better.  And this weekend has been sunny and warm and has given me just the boost I need to feel hopeful again.  And I've been running and lifting and trying to eat more healthily, which I think has also been a major factor in my success (so far) against the late winter Sadness.

So just bear with me while I do what it takes to get myself through this last little stretch of winter.  Spring is coming.