Monday, December 22, 2014

So I've been away I for a while I guess.  I've been in a kind of down place and it was just too intimidating to even think about updating this.  I can't explain it better than that, really.  It just seemed like too much to try and post songs and photos here when all I want to do is sit on the sofa and watch Netflix.

This has been a difficult time of the year for me since I was, what, 15 years old?  Pile on top of that a number of things that have been happening in my life and the fact that Chris is at work pretty much constantly from Thanksgiving to New Years and you get the perfect combination of downers.  And so I let myself wallow a little.  Or maybe wallow is the wrong word.  I haven't been dwelling on the things that are making me unhappy, not really.  I've more just been letting myself rest?  Sure, I haven't been updating anything or washing dishes or folding laundry or cooking food.  Is it the healthiest way to deal with things?  Probably not.  But it's the only way I know.  It just feels super pointless to make a home-cooked meal and decorate for Christmas when I'm the only one who will see it or care.  So I just don't bother.  And then I feel worse for "wasting" an entire holiday season, which just makes my mood even worse.  It's a vicious cycle.

And then I've go this really frustrating thing going on where I know what I want out of life (or at least I think I do), but I either a) don't know what I can do to get achieve it or b) achieving it is completely out of my control.  So that's really annoying and certainly isn't helping at all.

I've decided to give myself until New Years to mentally hibernate, and then I'll be back.  For now I'm gonna keep watching The 100 and Ao no Ekusoshisuto.  And eating chips and dip and soda for dinner.  But hey, I've taken up embroidery.  So that's something.