Monday, October 19, 2015

32 Weeks Pregnant

32 weeks down, 8 to go.  So close!

This week has been weird and introspective for me.  I keep catching myself and reminding myself to enjoy life as it is now, since very soon it will be VERY different.  I've been feeling like I'm sort of in limbo, like I'm just waiting for the next stage to start, and that seems like a horrible squandering of the time I have right now.  There's just so much prep going into getting ready for the baby right now, and anything that isn't the baby seems like a pointless waste of time.  It's weird.  But I'm making a conscious effort to take a moment and enjoy little things like being able to stay in bed on a Saturday morning, and spending a whole Sunday browsing the internet and watching Netflix. 

The trick though is to not dwell on them too much or I start to get stressed out and sad.  I know, of course, that things are going to change - and change isn't something I deal with very well.  It's weird to have such mixed feelings about something I want so badly.  Life is a strange thing.

My mum came over on Sunday and we got the new office all set up and the new nursery all cleared out.  It looks very empty without all my stuff in it, but I'm so excited to see some baby stuff start moving in.  It gets more and more real with every passing day.

Monday, October 12, 2015

31 Weeks Pregnant

So I'm officially in my eighth month of pregnancy now.  That's exciting and terrifying for the exact same reason - we're so close to the end!

We're rapidly running out of room in here (here being my body) and I don't think either on of us is happy about it.  Baby Slurm expresses this displeasure by kicking around in my chest cavity - a sensation I could have gladly gone my whole life without experiencing.  The movements are becoming more wriggly and weird now, what with distinct lumps and bumps poking out of my stomach at any given time.  It's kind of fun to guess "is this a head or a butt?"  My bump is almost always lopsided now, a lot less cute and round.

This weekend my family came over to help move furniture from my office into Chris's office, which I guess is officially THE office now.  It was very difficult for me, going through all of my stuff and trying to throw out the things I really don't need (or want, if I'm honest with myself).  I knew this was going to be the hardest room, since it contains almost all of my things.  It's kind of like I just picked up my childhood bedroom and transplanted it to this room.  And now I'm giving it away.  And I know it will be worth it, and I'll feel better when it's finished, and it's for a good (the best) cause, but that doesn't make it any easier in the moment.  That combined with having to sit idly by and watch all of my loved ones wrestle with my belongings made me feel very dumb and weak and ridiculous.  I am ashamed of and angry at myself for letting things get this bad and for making other people literally do my heavy lifting and for caring so much about the dumbest stuff.  It was a very long and difficult Saturday, and there's still more to go. 

But at least now there's a visible difference, I can actually SEE where my baby will be living, and that is a very good thing indeed.  Also, this whole housecleaning/tidying experience has opened my eyes dramatically, and I think will serve as great motivation to NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN.

Monday, October 5, 2015

30 Weeks Pregnant

I finally got my results back at this week's doctor visit - I do NOT have gestational diabetes!  So that's exciting.  To celebrate, I'll be eating all the cookies and milk I can cram into my body - which isn't a whole lot at a time because someone is taking up all the space where my stomach should be...

This week was kinda rough, or at least the weekend was.  I had all sorts of grand plans about what I was going to get done, and then I ended up getting sick and not doing much besides moping on the sofa.  It's just so frustrating to look around at this huge mess I've let accumulate and not be able to do anything about it.  It's also frustrating to see all these home improvement things that need to be done around the house and not knowing how to fix them.  I feel like the worst person in the world having to depend on my poor family to do all of this stuff for me because I am incapable of handling it myself.  In a few short weeks someone is going to hand me a living breathing human and send me on my way - and I have a hard time making food without burning it.  How on earth am I supposed to take care of a baby?

The internet tells me these thoughts are normal, but it's still terrifying.